Limerence: When Insecure Attachment Keeps Us Stuck in Obsessive Love.

If you’re looking for real love, but instead find yourself infatuated and even obsessed with someone who won’t be with you, you may be in the grips of limerence.

Limerence – first coined by psychologist Dorothy Tenov in the '70s – sees the limerent person unable to control their romantic fixation on the limerent object (LO), even if the other person doesn’t reciprocate.

If you:

• Experience frequent intrusive thoughts about the LO
• Have an overwhelming fear of rejection
• Idealise the LO – often without knowing them intimately (or at all!)
• Experience a rollercoaster of moods and emotions depending on whether the LO shows interest
• Feel excessively shy and awkward around the LO
• Fixate on improving yourself to win the LO’s love…

Your attachment wounds may be keeping you invested in fantasy relationships.

If you want to:

• Understand how your insecure attachment style makes you vulnerable to repeat limerence
• Break free from the pain and loneliness that accompanies long-term limerence
• Explore why the neuroscience of limerence leaves you feeling powerless to move on

Does limerence – aka person obsession - keep showing up in your relationships?

Are you often emotionally dysregulated?

Are you at the mercy of your triggers?

It could be that your core wounds - long-held limiting beliefs we layer over our experiences as adults - are causing you to settle for fantasy relationships with a limerent object (LO), rather than seek out the reciprocal relationships you deserve.

Subconscious beliefs like:

‘If only they loved me, I’d finally feel worthy and good enough.’

‘Staying in this fantasy relationship protects me from rejection.’

‘This person is my soulmate/twin flame so they’ll never abandon me.

‘Being in limerence means I’ll never be trapped by the wrong person.’

The many benefits of healing core wounds include:

  • Boosting self-esteem

  • Becoming less triggered in relationships

  • Approaching relationships from a place of genuine connection, not protection

In this 90-minute 121 we’ll:

  • Explore how core wounds form due to our early attachment experiences

  • Identify the key core wound/s driving your limerence

  • Create individual Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) tapping scripts to rewrite your chosen core wound

You’ll receive:

  • A Limerence and Core Wounds Workbook

  • Suggested Core Wound EFT scripts

  • A general Core Wound EFT tapping video recording

Schedule a 90-min 121 today to start rewriting the core wounds that trigger limerence.

Understanding Core Wounds
Core wounds are beliefs we acquire through conditioning. Ages 0-8 are our peak conditioning years due to our highly impressionable brainwave states.

Those with insecure attachment styles tend to have more core wounds, where the securely attached’s core wounds are typically less intense, less frequently activated and situation specific.

The language of our core wounds is simple – ‘I am bad’, ‘I am alone’, ‘I am unsafe’, ‘I am unworthy’. This is because they were often formed before conscious, analytical thinking.

In adulthood, core wounds can present as an inability to regulate our emotions, including:

  • Reactivity

  • Emotional manipulation

  • Controlling behaviour

About Emotional Freedom Technique
EFT, commonly known as tapping, is a powerful practice that combines aspects of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) with ancient Chinese acupressure.

During a tapping session you focus on the cause of stress, anxiety, or even physical pain while at the same time tapping EFT points that correspond with traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) meridians.

For over 2000 years meridians have been seen as energy pathways through which the body’s chi or life force flows. Today, researchers believe meridians are also linked to the nervous system and even brain activity.

Studies have found EFT beneficial for anxiety, depression and PTSD. Physiologically it's been found to lower cortisol and reduce blood flow to the amygdala. EFT is non-evasive, with no contraindications.

ABOUT NAT:

Hi Lovely Humans,

I’m Nat, an attachment and nervous system coach. I’m passionate about all things attachment having spent decades simultaneously craving deep connection and feeling deeply triggered in intimate relationships. (Shout out to my fellow fearful avoidants who recognise themselves in this chaotic inner push-pull dynamic!)

Transform your relationships through a greater understanding of how attachment theory influences the way you seek connection. 121 attachment coaching also available; book a free 30-min strategy Zoom call at https://thisbeinghuman.as.me/